Meta Description: Abusers often appear ordinary—trusted, respected, even beloved. This article explores how society enables abuse through silence, denial, and misplaced loyalty.
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Red Flags We Miss: How Society Enables Abusers

They don’t wear masks. Instead: Lurking in shadows is not something they do. They watch football, raise kids, go to work, and laugh in the pub. These are the men—yes, usually men—who commit some of the most devastating crimes behind closed doors. And too often, society lets them. Why? Because they seem normal.

As an author advocating social justice, I’ve written fiction that explores childhood trauma book themes and novels with generational wounds. But the fiction is born from genuine stories—real people. And real statistics.

The Mask of Ordinary

In interviews with over 200 prisoners convicted of abusing underage girls and children in Zimbabwe, I asked the same question: What do you all have in common?

The answer was terrifying in its simplicity: “Nothing.”

They were ordinary. Most loved football. Many had wives, children, and stable jobs. They went to the pub, watched TV, laughed at jokes. The very ordinariness is what gave them cover. It’s what makes people say: “But he’s such a nice guy.”

The Power of Status and Silence

Abusers often use trust and status as a shield. They might be teachers, coaches, fathers, priests. They know how to be charming, to gain access, to manipulate perception. This careful management of their public persona proves devastatingly effective.

In both Zimbabwe and the UK—lands I write about in my Zimbabwe UK literary fiction—the silence around abuse is often cultural. Families protect their secrets. Victims are doubted or silenced. Justice is delayed, if it comes at all.

It’s Not All Men—But We Must Look Closer

Here’s the truth: most men are not abusers. But the ones who are hidden in plain sight. According to UK child protection data,

• Sexual abuse affects 1 in 20 children in the UK.
• The child usually knows the perpetrator—often a family member or close friend.
• Over 90% of perpetrators are male, but that doesn’t mean most men are perpetrators.

We need to stop panicking about the man in the alley, and start paying attention to the man in the living room.

When Families Stay Silent

Perhaps the most painful silence comes from within the family. Many survivors are not. People do not believe survivors—or worse, blame them. Families may be reluctant to report an abuser because it feels like a betrayal. They’re embarrassed. They don’t understand the trauma, or they don’t want to believe it’s real.

“He’s your uncle.”
“We don’t air dirty laundry.”
“Think of what this will do to the family.”

What it does to the victim, of course, is rarely centred.

This is where the silence begins—and where generational wounds take root.

The Institutional Failure

Churches, schools, and even legal systems are not immune to these blind spots. When accused, their communities defend many abusers. “He couldn’t have done that.” And so they go on—uninterrupted, enabled.

This systemic failure is a recurring theme in fiction with substance abuse and family secrets Zimbabwean fiction because fiction mirrors life.

The Real Cost: Generational Trauma

Ignoring or silencing abuse causes its effects to ripple across generations. Children carry the wounds—physically, emotionally, spiritually. They become adults, still hurting, still silent. This is what I explore in my novel Sun on Your Back: the legacy of pain when no one listens.

Conclusion: Learning to Listen

Red flags are not always red. Sometimes they’re beige and polite and shake your hand.

So when someone finally speaks—believe them. And when something feels off—trust that feeling. The cost of silence is too high.

Call to Action

Explore these themes further in Sun on Your Back, a novel rooted in truth, fiction, and the quiet courage of survival. Get your copy here:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B094G99RML