They don’t show up as monsters. At first, they show up as magic.

Narcissists often begin relationships with overwhelming charm, attention, and promises of forever. But slowly, subtly, the dynamic shifts—from admiration to control, from warmth to withdrawal, from love to emotional devastation.

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse, precisely because it often hides behind what looks like love.

Phase 1: Charm – The Love-Bombing Stage

Narcissists begin by idealising their partner. This is often called love-bombing—a phase filled with grand gestures, intense connection, and the illusion of “soulmate” love. But the actual goal is emotional control and dependency.

“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”

“We were meant to be.”

It feels intoxicating. Especially for someone longing to be seen. But the love isn’t real—it’s manipulation masked as romance.

Phase 2: Control – The Gaslighting Begins

Once the narcissist feels secure, the rules change. Criticism replaces compliments. Emotional withdrawal replaces intimacy. You begin to question your worth, your memory, your instincts.

This is when gaslighting and coercive control emerge.

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re imagining things.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”

By silencing yourself and isolating yourself from support systems, you keep the peace. These highs and lows create trauma bonding, where love and fear become intertwined.

Phase 3: Collapse – Devaluation and Discard

Eventually, the narcissist either devalues or discards you. You’re no longer a source of admiration or control. You’re blamed for their unhappiness—or replaced altogether.

This final collapse can be soul-destroying—but it’s also the beginning of truth.

Because when the illusion shatters, healing from narcissistic abuse can begin.

What Does a Narcissist Really Look Like?

Not every troublesome person is a narcissist. But when these traits are persistent and harmful, the damage becomes psychological.

Common signs of narcissistic behaviour include:

• Grandiosity and entitlement
• Lack of empathy
• Exploitation of others
• Gaslighting and emotional manipulation
• Obsession with admiration
• Rage or icy silence when criticised
• Idealisation followed by brutal devaluation

Narcissistic abuse isn’t just about drama—it’s about domination, eroded identity, and invisible wounds.

How to Deal with a Narcissist

You cannot change a narcissist—but you can protect yourself.

Here’s how survivors often begin reclaiming control: